There are two types of men. One who give himself totally to a relationship, while the other runs away from the sign of any serious relationship. This type of man has a kind of relationship phobia. It wouldn’t be a problem if this kind of men was honest with his partner, saying right from the start what he wants exactly in the relationship. Instead, he rolls up to the moment he gets tired and leaves for another one. How to recognize this kind of men? How do you know he won’t commit to you? In order not to fall in love with someone who will make you suffer, see the 10 warning signs that he will not commit to you.
Many of the women I talk to complain that when they think they’re getting to the second stage of a relationship, they find themselves knocked back on the nose. Imagine the situation: you know someone, feel a connection, have some great conversations, maybe a few kisses, then as time goes on, few days or weeks after that , your casual conversations begin to shift to deeper issues. However, as your feelings grow, your partner begins to move away, becomes distant and unavailable.
Some men have a real phobia of relationships. People with problems with commitments often have a serious problem with staying in a long-term relationship. Sometimes the signs that he doesn’t want anything to do with you are quite evident, and other times they are more subtle and it may take a while for you to realize it. So if you start paying attention, you can get rid of a big disappointment.
Falling in love with a person with a phobia of commitment can be a nightmare. Beware of the signs before finding yourself desperately in love with someone who is not able to have a relationship. A man doesn’t need to fit all these signs, however, if you remember your partner while reading most of the things I’m going to talk about, it can be a warning that he won’t commit to you.
- He is very vague about his programming
He is annoyingly vague about his programming. Here are some key phrases they always use:
“I’m really busy with my work right now. We’ll meet in a few days when things are calmer”
“Sorry, I’ve been gone for a while. Things have been crazy around here. What have you been doing?”
“Sorry, I hadn’t seen your text until now. How are you ?”
All right, all of us, at some point in our lives, forget to look at our phone and answer. I, for example, have already stopped answering my friends and even my family because I was too busy, and only remembered few hours later. But there’s a big difference when someone does that all the time and almost never has a real-time interaction with you.
- They say it’s nothing serious.
He constantly reiterates how casual your relationship is. He always says phrases like, “I’m not sure if I’m ready for a relationship now. Give me some time”. And while you always make it clear that you want a serious relationship, it doesn’t bother him , instead he will tie you up with promises of a relationship that happens “maybe someday”.
Even relatively innocent words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” seem like something giant to him. He may simply avoid talking about the status of his relationship, or he may offer an excuse for not wanting to use these labels.
- Always slow
He keeps saying he wants to “take things slow” as an excuse. Of course, being cautious in a new relationship is a perfectly normal (and emotionally healthy!) thing, but you have to ask yourself if your relationship is moving somewhere. A man who is cautious and advances slowly, will eventually make the relationship real at some point. If he does not want commit to you, then he will put obstacles in the way of any progress in the relationship.
- Everything leads to sex
He loves sex. Okay, who doesn’t love sex? But in this case, your relationship is practically all about sex. Even encounters that at first glance seem special seem to be a means to an end (and to be clear, that end is sex).
If he always directs things in a sexual direction, he probably doesn’t want a long-term relationship. And that’s the real “problem” here: if he wants something very casual and you expect something more serious, none of you will get what you want. There is nothing wrong with the fact that he wants a casual relationship, but he needs to be frank with you about it and you need to be consistent about what you want for your life.
- He dodges
He dodges anything that can be considered a milestone in a relationship. He does not want to meet your/his parents or friends. He will never leave a toothbrush at home or visit you at work. He also won’t want your things at his house and will always give them back if you casually forget something. He doesn’t want to do anything that gives the impression that the relationship is making progress because, in his mind, there is no relationship.
- You don’t know anything about previous relationships
He never, under any circumstances, mentions his ex-girlfriends. Of course, it would be in bad taste to talk about them all the time, but the zero mention of past relationships is suspect. He may be hiding something.
- Relationship without friends and family
Someone who sees a future with you will fit it into your inner circle and that means introducing you to family and friends. If he doesn’t want to meet your friends or family, or vice versa, it’s simply because he doesn’t expect you to be around long enough in his life . Although it doesn’t have to be immediate, if you are dating for a while, your partner should be excited to meet your friends and family. Also, if you are not included in the activities he does with people close to him, you need to question why this is happening
- He doesn’t make plans for the future with you.
A person who wants to commit to you is not afraid to talk about the future. Does he invite you to a wedding in six months? Any conversations about vacation? If he’s not talking about the future, he doesn’t see a future with you.
- You don’t hear from him for days
He’s loving and sweet for a few days and then disappears, almost like a ghost for a week. He doesn’t send a message or make a phone call. When he comes back, he acts as if nothing has happened.
If he turns into a ghost without making any attempt to pick up the phone or make plans, it’s because he’s trying to keep a distance between you. That doesn’t mean he should be calling every day, but he should at least be checking to see how you’re doing, even if he’s flooded with work or has other things going on.
- He suddenly lost interest
Finally, one of the biggest signs that he has a phobia of commitment is that he suddenly loses interest. It’s not something that happens over time; it’s almost overnight. He will be too busy to see you, he will make excuses to cancel his plans, and it will take him hours to respond to your texts (if he does). A guy who suddenly and for no apparent reason loses interest in you, is afraid of commitment; he doesn’t want to be with a woman for long.
What to do if he will not commit to you?
Run for the hills!
No… I’m just kidding! But you have to take care of yourself. Setting up ultimatums or applying any kind of pressure tends to push him away. So you need a careful plan with a delicate balance of self-preservation and assertiveness:
First, put your own needs – decide if this person is worth it.
Set a time limit – instead of waiting and torturing yourself for months, set a time limit to see if something will change. If your needs are not met in the relationship by then, give up.
Take some space – take a step back and subtly reduce your level of involvement. Stop intiating contact and take time to respond to his messages and be less available than usual.
Note: this philosophy of “playing hard to get” does not work with all types of men, but when it comes to a man of this style, you need a little of that. After all, self-love is never too much.
If after all this he doesn’t change his own behavior, if you realize that he won’t commit to you, get out of this relationship.
In conclusion, if a man loves you, he will want to be with you, invest in you and feel proud to be by your side. He will feel responsible and committed to your relationship. Don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t add anything to your life and only deceives you. Value yourself! Have self-esteem! The time you spend trying to fix this relationship is valuable time you could be spending with someone else who really deserves you.